Sensory Detail 1.2
Women's Day Schwomen's Day
Happy International Women’s Day! Sorta? It seems like women and people who happen to have uteruses in general are getting less appreciation than ever before, but who am I to know?
Ugh. Sorry to open on such a downer . But I’m also not that sorry, because I’m genuinely angry, and I think it’s important to share why. I’m rageful, actually. I’m about to get personal, and briefly describe my pregnancy/birth experience, so if that’s not something you’re ready/able/interested in reading, please skip this little intro section—although I hope you stick around to read my story if you can.
The short-ish version is that even before I got pregnant with my daughter, I only wanted one child, if at all. There was a very long time where I didn’t even see myself having kids. Not that that should matter. When I did get pregnant, I had an extremely difficult pregnancy that quickly turned dangerous and almost fatal for both myself and the baby when I developed pre-eclampsia. When I was 32/40 weeks along, MiniMe was delivered via emergency c-section. The medications they were giving me were no longer controlling my blood pressure, I was at risk for a stroke or seizures, and although they were trying to balance keeping me informed and not scaring me, they were having a hard time finding the baby’s vitals on the monitor. This is where, as if that wasn’t enough, things got stupid. While they were having me sign consent forms for the c-section, when they were still trying to induce me so I could hopefully have a vaginal birth, I asked to have a tubal ligation should a c-section end up being needed. Sure, absolutely, they said. But you have to wait 3 days to make sure you’re really positive about it. I had, indeed, asked my perinatologist about it in one of my prenatal appointments, but hadn’t given legal, documented consent. My well-thought-out decision wasn’t valid enough, nor were the opinions of TWO doctors who advised me that “this will VERY likely happen again” and “not only will this likely happen again, it will be extremely dangerous if it does.” Seven months later, and I’m still trying to get the procedure.
My well-thought-out decision wasn’t valid enough…
The number of times I’ve heard “you do know it’s permanent, right?” when I’ve asked about starting the process to get the procedure done has been maddening. I don’t mean to sound melodramatic or to in any way equate the two, but there are two things that are perhaps even more permanent than having your tubes tied: having a child and dying. I nearly died having my first and only; why would I want to risk leaving my existing baby without a mother to have a second, which I never wanted to do anyway? It’s ridiculous how no one blinks an eye when a woman wants to have a baby (rightly so, it’s no one’s business but that person’s), but the minute you say you’re done and/or don’t want to have any at all? Ooof, that’s a scary, permanent decision you’re making, are you absolutely sure??
I live in possibly the most “liberal” state, and even then I have had my reproductive and other healthcare-related desires doubted or even denied left and right; the hoops I’m having to jump through to get a simple procedure have been frustrating at best. For someone with less time, education, money, and/or other resources, this process would be downright prohibitive. It might be international women’s day, but what exactly are we doing to give women and other marginalized groups the rights and respect they deserve, no matter what they decide to do with their own bodies and lives?
Things I’m Tasting
Now that I’ve given you food for thought, let’s try to bring things back up with food for our tummies.
Back in January, my best friend came all the way out here to see me and meet my baby for the first time. One of the nights she was here, we cooked together, and made an epic TWO lasagnas, one meat and one veggie. A couple days ago, I combined the two ideas to make:
I’ll let that photo speak for itself.
The surprisingly tasty baby food my tried today. She had the banana, mango, spinach, and kale flavor and LOVED it! We’ll definitely be trying more as we expand her palate. She’ll be a foodie just like me.
The cupcakes my very dear friend Rossie sent me for my birthday. Chocolate chip?? YES. She always sends the yummiest birthday treats. Another year, she sent my husband and I a pizza, a sub sandwich, AND a cake. It was wild.
Whataburger during a brief weekend trip home to El Paso. I mean:
California Roots wine, especially their red blend and cab. Can’t go wrong with a tasty wine that’s 5 bucks or less!
Speaking of California, Bear Coast Coffee Roasters has been a treat the two times B. and I have gone to Dana Point, just north of San Diego. We went for his birthday back in October as our first mini trip after the baby was born and again for my birthday with baby in tow, so I guess it’s becoming a tradition.
Things I’m Seeing
The baby seeing a balloon for the first time, and screaming with sheer elation at it.
This hilariously ancient microwave that was in our hotel room at the halfway point on the drive to El Paso. B got such a kick out of it. There was also a bottle opener fastened to the little counter it sat on, so this was my kind of hotel.
Dr. Katelyn Jetelina’s newsletter, Your Local Epidemiologist. I’ve been following her since the pandemic started, and it’s been very helpful in learning about how to manage risk, especially during my pregnancy and now as a parent. She really breaks down the science and other details about the facts in a way that’s easy to understand for someone without a science background, and she also often uses her own parent status to put everything into perspective.
Things I’m Hearing
Speaking of nerding out on science-y things, I was excited for the new season of This Podcast Will Kill You. I learn so much about different illnesses and how our bodies work in general. I know, I did say it was nerdy. :)
Another podcast that makes me laugh is Forever35. No, I’m not even 35 (just turned 31). I love self-care and skincare, so it’s perfect to listen to hosts Kate and Doree try different products and their own journeys on bodily acceptance, aging, and more.
ASMR videos on TikTok, especially of scrapbooking and order packing. There’s something satisfying about not just the sounds of paper and boxes, etc. but also of putting everything in its place. I even started scrapbooking myself to help manage my anxiety and post-partum depression. Check out these spreads:
Things I’m Smelling
The soil from my new plant friends, a calathea, a Valentine plant, and a hoya kerii. I’m trying to become a plant lady this year. Wish me luck!
Things I’m Touching/Feeling
This year’s Yoga with Adriene 30 Day “challenge.” Ever since my c-section, which left me with hopefully temporary nerve damage in the incision site, my relationship to pain and moving my body has changed quite a bit. I’ve always enjoyed yoga because you can go as “hard” or gentle as you need to, and this challenge was the first time I really exercised since giving birth. It was… interesting… getting back into the groove of moving my body in a familiar way, but one that still felt rusty. I was both way out of touch but also pleasantly surprised at what my body could do.
Feeling, all things considered, 30(one), flirty, and thriving, 13 Going On 30 style.
This was a long one—thanks for reading! See you April 8th.